15 posts categorized "The Teeth"

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

A composite discussion regarding The Teeth

He:  You have sweet smelling teeth now. 

Me:  I can't believe no one told me I had bad breath when I had my real teeth and the gum disease.

He:  Yup they were bad. 

Me:  I figured you just quit kissing me cause it came with the "just being friends" territory.

He:  (Silent)

Me:  So I guess I better not tell you the latest story about The Teeth?  Cause you're so sensitive an all... (He's absolutely creeped out by the thought of my new teethies, and says I better keep them in my mouth, and he NEVER wants to see them laying about).

He:  No, you should not. 

Me:  Gonna anyways, sooner or later. May as well be now.  What better time than the present?  I don't believe in procrastinating, you know. 

He:  (Heavy sigh)

Me:  So the other nite, there I was, sitting on the couch, minding my own business, aand innocently watching TV.  When all of a sudden I heard a crunching noise ...

Me:  I looked for the crunching sounds source and location. 

Me:  Muttin!

Me:  MUTTIN!!!



Me:  (Thinking inside my brain to myself)...

My Self:  Are those really my teeth in her mouth?  No.  It. Cannot. Be. 

Me:  (Running tongue along the bottom of my mouth)

My Self:  Yup, my teeth are not in my mouth.  THEY ARE IN THAT DOGS MOUTH.

Me:  (In disbelief - somehow it is hard to get your mind around the fact that the dog has YOUR teeth in HER mouth)  It did not compute for the longest time - until approximately the 4th crunch, which motivated me off my ass and in her face to regain possession of MY OWN DAMN TEETH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH)

He:  (Looks at me with hopelessness in his eyes - what is there to say... ?)

Me:  So do I still have sweet smelling teeth?  Hmmmm?  (With a sweet smile)

He:  I'll just call you Doggy Breath.

Me:  Maybe how about "Puppy Breath" instead?  Everyone loves puppy breath.  (With a sweet smile and batting eye lashes too).



Wednesday, June 06, 2007

You know it had to happen

After tearing apart the couch, the desk area, the bathroom, and bedroom, I gathered the troops. 

Me:  Muttin, so help me Dog, if you ate my teeth, I will strangle you with my own hands.

Muttin:  Wha?  What are you talking about???

Me:  I can't find my bottom teeth.

Muttin:  I didn't touch your teeth.

Me:  Everyone of you - come here.

Duke:  Is my tennis ball missing???

Me:  No Duke, worry not about your tennis balls.  BTW, I bought you a whole bunch more.  But that doesn't mean you can leave them all about willy nilly.

Me:  Who took my teeth?

Duke:  Not me.

Muttin:  Not me.

Jeffrey:  Not me.

Kitten #1:  Meow

Kitten #2:  Meow meow meow meow.

Jeffrey:  When will they start talking?

Muttin:  Lord, must they? 

Kitten #1 & 2:  Meow meow meow meow

Me:  I left them on the table here.  Do you know how embarrassing it would be to have to tell the dentist that I lost my teeth?

Ring ring ring.  No actually it William Tell, William Tell, William Tell ring tone of my cell phone, so I know it's SanFranMan.

He:  How you doing, how was your day?

Me:  It was fine until I lost my teeth.

He heard "keys" instead of "teeth", so mass confusion reigned while he asked stupid questions regarding "keys", when I was thinking he was talking about "teeth". 

Me:  No, I mean I lost my bottom teeth.  T E E T H.

He:  Ohhhhhhhhhh.  (Shudders)  Are they sitting on a chair somewhere? 

Me:  Laugh laugh laugh.

He and Me:  Blah blah blah, blee blee blee, bleh bleh bleh

Me:  So I need to go so I can search for my teeth.

He:  (Shudders)  Okay, good luck, find them. 

I call all the animals again.

Me:  Gather round, beasties.

Muttin:  I SWEAR I didn't take your teeth.

Jeffrey:  She didn't, I'm here to vouch for her this time. 

So, I resumed the search, all the while composing in my mind what I'd tell the dentist.

Dentist:  So what happened to your bottom teeth?

Me:  Uhhhh ... the dog ate them? 


Just Call Me Hopeless


Update!  The Teeth were found in the kitchen sink!


Sunday, May 13, 2007


I was about to write another post about the teeth, but I forgot it cause the phone rang.  I told him about forgetting what it was about my teeth and SanFranMan remembers a story about SickMan when he was visiting, and SickMan still lived with George.  He was the last one to go to bed, and he glanced over at the chair where SickMan always sat in all day and half the nite.  SickMan had taken his dentures out and set them on his chair facing SanFranMan as if they were staring at him.  He said it was really kind of unnerving.

As I just typed that, I had a laughing fit.  All of a sudden it makes sense when SFM just shudders and tells me "just don't let me ever see them", when I got my dentures. He was creeped out by the mere thought.  I guess I'll have to quit threatening to leave them on the bathroom counter. 

I'm off.  Have to send him an email to suggest talking it out with his therapist about the origin of becoming afraid of dentures.  I'm dying here - so damn funny. 


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Reason # 17 Thrifty thrifty thrifty. Cheap.

Reason #17 - As you all know, I am the Thrift Shop Queen.  Spring is my favorite season for 2 reasons - Nascar season starts anew, and garage sales start to pop up every weekend.  Cause god knows, I need to pack more things to move. 


(Proudest thrift shop find - coolest cookie jar EVER)

People who worry about the wisdom of my move to a very expensive city wonder how someone on disability (read - poor) could do it. 

Fresh fruits and vegetables are about half the price in SF as they are in Idaho.  One of the things I look most forward to is picking up my dinner during my daily walks.  Picking up bananas, cherries, tomatoes, green peppers?  Yum.  And good for you too.  I wonder if The Teeth will ever be able to eat celery again? 

I've always furnished my home with thrift shop finds, and second hand stores.  Old things have more character, and I can find original things.  Altho, one of most favorite finds was a circular stand with shelves.  Quite surprised to walk in my mom's place to see she had one too.  Bet I paid less tho - ten bucks! 

I will be selling or dumping all my dark, heavy bedroom furniture before I move, and resolve to take only the wicker furniture, the book shelves, and one couch.  And glass table.  I love wicker and glass.  And black edges.  Like the frame for the above mentioned shelf is black, as well as the frame for the glass table.   I'm gonna lighten the load

Roofs over heads?  Yes ... vely vely expensive.  But only 1/3 of my monthly check, regardless of how high (or low) the rent is.  That can't be right.  150 150 150 150 ... that's 600.00, right?  So it's more like 1/4 and a tich more.  And they raised my food stamps too, so I think I should do just fine.  It's been told to me several times that I'll get more money in California, but I really doubt it, since my check is FEDERAL and not state based.  I actually have no idea.  I guess it does make sense that my check would go up based on the cost of living ... hmmm.  I spose should that be true, I could make it another reason to move, eh? 

The first thing everybody else thinks of is the cost of living, when that was/is literally the last thing I ever think about. 


Just Call Me Could Care Less About Money

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Day 42 of The Teeth

Today was the first day I've kept my teeth in my mouth all day. 

Now, that's a sentence I never dreamed of saying. 


Just Call Me Mouthful


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The Progress of The Teeth

In order to update the Internet on The Teeth's progress, let's first focus on the things The Teeth couldn't do a week ago. 

1.  Cannot chew the stems of asparagus, but can swallow the tops whole.

2.  Cannot do Oreo's.  No matter how you "do" your Oreo's - I can't do it. 

3.  Cannot bite down on ANYTHING.  Nothing.  Nada.

4.  The swelling has gone down, so they are loose.

5.  If I laugh, the top teeth fall down. 

6.  Sometimes they make me gag just because I'm not used to a full set of teeth in my mouth. 

7.  Did I mention that I can't bite down? 

So.  I started sleeping with The Teeth.  The dentist said I should sleep without them so the gums could heal.  But I'm no dummy.  I've looked up dentures on the Internet, dentist be damned.  I don't CARE how long he went to school.  The Internet told me my face would cave in on itself if I don't have teeth in my head.  This frightened me, so now I sleep with my teeth.  Which I'm sure SanFranMan was grateful for a couple of weeks ago.  Oh wait ... oh yea.  Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.  Ahem.

So this week, here's what The Teeth CAN do:

1.  Sit in my mouth prettily.

2.  Sit in my mouth prettily.

3.  Sit in my mouth prettily. 

There was a day, last Friday, where they seemed to click into place and all of a sudden, I was able to bite down on ... bread.  Yes! 

But then they were back to just sitt'n purdy on Saturday. 


Just Call Me Smiley



Tuesday, April 03, 2007

30 Deeds in 30 Days - Day Three? Shit. I dunno.

30 Deeds For 30 Days

I  bought an incredibly ridiculous amount of cinnamon rolls, donuts, Ritz crackers and bananas because I'm desperate for things to eat that are soft.  I also bought the Ultimate Test for Dentures, otherwise know as double-stuffed Oreo's.  I've heard corn-on-the-cob is worst, but I beg to differ.  Don't you use your top teeth to rid the Oreo of it's creamy stuffing?  I'm thinking that's hard to do when you can't even keep your teeth in place.  The old people tell me that I'll gradually learn to make "suction" do it's job.  Great.  Makes me lose my appetite even further. 

I have lost 10 pounds since coming back from Reno.  Between starting the anti-depressants again (makes me not hungry and literally forget to eat), and most things hurting to eat, it's been a breeze, I tell ya.  Not doing a damn thing for the depression but hey! Whatever.  So... basically... I have to learn how to suck on my own mouth... ?  Great.

So my good deed for today was to stop at SweetieGirls dad's shop, and give them a box of donuts.  He and her brother watched Duke for me when I went to Reno.  While there, I remembered that I had left several rugs I'd put under Duke's cushy cushion/bed, so I picked them up, explaining that during Duke's massage each nite, he complains about how hard his bed is.  I don't know why those people looked at me funny...maybe they don't like donuts?

I have a dilemma.  (When don't I? haha)  I'm about to mail something to someone and there's a certain illegalality to it.  Yes, that's a word.  It's not illegal to mail the item, and the item itself is not illegal.  But me giving it to her is illegal.  The chances of getting caught is little itty bitty tiny, altho I've begun the suspicion right now by just mentioning it on my blog!  Also, shouldn't I let the recipient know of the problem and let her decide also to take the chance or not take the chance?  (Now she knows by reading this.  And probably scared her to death!)  I can be so mysterious, can't I?  Mysterious is my middle name.

Hands and feet hurt really amuch tonite and I peed in an inappropriate location.  Knew you'd want to know.  My brain is befuddled.  I think I'm in a small flare.  Now that I'm so healthy and don't have MS anymore, it's really noticeable when the weird things happen.  Tad unsettling.  Might cause me to think I have MS all over again. 

Must go now. 

TTFN (Ta ta for now)

That is all.

Later gators

BBL (Be back later)

After awhile crocodile

I need a sign-off.  Any ideas?  Like any just mentioned.  Have a better one? 

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Recent conversation I just had inside my head

Me:  Where's my teeth?

Eyes:  Looks to the left of me and to the right of me sitting on the couch.

Me:  Hmm, not in the basket, not on the desk.

Eyes:  Looks on the floor. 

Me:  Nope.

Eyes:  Glares at the dogs, surely the dogs wouldn't like the teeth, would they?

Me:  What did I eat last?

Me:  Bread.

Me:  Oh yes, it hurt to eat the bread ... so where are my bottom teeth?  In the kitchen?

Me:  Nope.

Eyes:  Start to make a panicked search on all surfaces in the apartment. 

Me:  Maybe the bathroom.

Eyes:  Look in the mirror.

Me:  Oh, there they are.  In my mouth. 

Man, this is only getting harder and harder as time goes on! 


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Teeth Again

If there's one good place to live when one is trying to get used to their false teeth, and needs advice... it's an old folk's home like where I live. 

Old lady 1:  What's happening with your life?

Me:  Just trying to keep my teeth inside my mouth.

Old lady2:  Oh, I've had dentures since I was 19 years old.

Me:  Really?  What kind of goopy stuff do you use? 

Old lady 2:  Fix-a-dent is the best.

Old lady 1:  I don't use any - just use suction.  It's mind over matter when it comes to your teeth.

Me:  Mind over matter? 

Old lady 1:  Sure it is, I've never had to use any Poli-Grip or Fix-a-dent.  Couldn't stand the thought of that stuff in my mouth going down into my stomach.

Me:  Well, if it's mind over matter, my mind keeps asking "What's the matter, your teeth keep falling out, and it's making me crazy". 

I'll just tell my mind that it's at fault cause it is not doing it's mind over matter thing. 

It's a whole new world

"I'll be right back - I left my teeth in the car".  (When I went to the dentist yesterday, I didn't put in my bottom teeth cause it hurt too much)

"Oops, I forgot to put my teeth in".  (When Hella the aide came in at 11am)

"Sorry, I can't talk with my teeth right now".

"I can't believe I now have to think about my teeth in the same way I think about my wallet, and my keys".  (Where's my keys, where's my wallet, where's my teeth)

I do believe The Teeth warrants it's own category in the blog.


Thursday, March 15, 2007

Suckity suck updated (the dentist)

My mother beat me to it, cause I wanted to say all was well and not to worry, as a couple of you emailed me.  I want to say more but later.

I did well at the dentist, breaking down only after the work was done, and I could feel several? hands patting my back, as I was sobbing into my hands, and I heard someone call me "hon" cause they felt so bad for me.  But I was able to maintain the grown up in me, while the dentist did his thing, and I'm so proud of myself. 

Then I slept.  And my sister helped me, bringing me ice, water, drugs, hammer, and those large fuzzy dice that one hangs from their car mirror.  She was good to have around.

Slept all nite with the dentures in.  Drooled.  The bottom one kept popping up, so the next morning I went in for an adjustment.  Perfect fit, no pain meds needed. 

Visited BFriend, slept on her couch.  Visited my mom, tried to sleep, but she said cottage cheese, so I had to eat something, since I hadn't ate anything yet that day.  Talked with her, then slept on her bed for awhile. 

Came home, dog care, refrained from screaming at SanFranMan while we figured out how to get me to Reno at the end of the month, and went to bed.  Without the dentures in, as they had told me. 

Woke up this morning, and couldn't get teeth back in.  Went to dentist for an adjustment.  Dog care.  Then writing here. 

I'll do a picture when the swelling goes down.  I look like a chipmunk with my face full of peanuts on one side.   I am super pleased with the dentures, but the emotional toll it took has sucked all my energy and I'm going back to bed!  To practice not drooling. 

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Fuckity Fuck Part Two

I was supposed to be at the dentist at 9am this morning.  I called my sister at 7:30 to find out when she was coming to pick me up to take me.  I'm supposed to be doped up on Valium right now, but I'm afraid to take it cause of my other meds, plus I don't want her to have to carry me out to the car.  Her daughter answered so I left a message for sis to call me back to let me know what time to be ready.  It's a 24 minute drive into town, so I figured by 8:30 at the soonest. 

My sister has a thing about time, and I'd love to get into it, but she reads the blog and is mean to me.  Suffice to say, if I hadn't been as on the ball as I was, and waited for her to call me back, I would have had to be ready in 7 minutes.  Knowing her boss is out of town doing senator duties in our state capitol, I just took my sweet time getting ready.  Threw the tennis ball many more times, peed when I didn't really need to, even changed my clothes again.  Wandered around aimlessly, looking for my Ipod and camera and purse, even tho I knew exactly where they were since I had PREPARED ahead of time.  That'll teach her. 

The dentist office called and changed the time to 10:30, so all that I just wrote was unnecessary. 

I was soooo pleased with the dentist after the last appointment, but now I've lost confidence in him.  He specifically said no sedation, then called to reschedule because he hadn't set up the sedation at the hospital.  ???  I decided to keep today's appointment to get it over with - I haven't slept decently since the last appointment - nightmares and flashbacks waking me up. 

And knowing about my trip to Reno 4 days after getting the dentures, he didn't seem to think pain or eating issues would be an issue, so I didn't ask him about it.  He was all "oh yes, we'll get them done, cause you need to go have fun in Reno, you'll deserve it, no problem, we can do it".  I looked dentures up on line and discovered that yes, just 4 days after having all your teeth pulled and dentures set it might be an issue interfering with pain and with eating.  ???

He also said to take the Valium last nite, and no food or water after midnite.  Umm... it's not going to be sedation, so why the no food or water?  ???

Then they called to reschedule it to 10:30.  I guess his understanding of this "ordeal" only went so far. 

I cleaned up most of the comments so I'll have no unfinished business.  Cleaned under the fridge, changed the sheets, cleaned out the aquarium, and vacuumed.  I don't have a will, tho.  Guess there is still some unfinished business left, but by hell, my apartment is clean!  (by hell?)  What kind of phrase is that? 

Bye.  See ya'll later.

(If I don't make it, will somebody throw the tennis ball for Duke?)


There are 29 different renditions of 'Amazing Grace' in my Ipod and you can damn well bet I'll be listening to it while at the dentist today


Me:  Dogs, I'm probably going to be gone all day today, getting my teeth pulled out by the dentist.

Jeffrey:  What?  No way?  You poor thing!

Muttin:  What in the world are you doing that for?

Duke:  Who's gonna throw my tennis ball for me?

Me:  Cause the dentist said my teeth are no good, and dentures would be better.

Jeffrey:  Do you have soft foods and lots to drink for afterwards?  Cause I doubt you'll feel like eating much.

Muttin:  She could do without a few meals, it wouldn't hurt her any.

Duke:  Where is my tennis ball? 

Me:  Muttin, you're so nice.  Not. 


Jeffrey:  Well, when you come home, how about if I curl up right next to you in bed, and watch over you?  And I'll have Muttin answer the phone, and answer the door should anyone call or come by, k? 

Muttin:  I spose it's the least I can do - hopefully you'll be able to feed us tonite, right?

Me:  That'd be sweet, Jeffrey.  Don't get upset tho, if I don't notice things for awhile cause I'll be doped up, okay?  And yes, Mutt, I'll feed you.  Altho, it wouldn't hurt you any to go without a meal...

Muttin:  Yea yea yea. 

Duke:  So... what you're saying is ... no tennis ball fetching today? 

Me:  Uh.  Yes Duke. 



Monday, March 12, 2007

Fuckity fuck

I've got some messages saying you want more regular posting.  Well, I totally resolved last nite that I would do so.  In order to do so,  tho, I'm going to have to pretend my mother doesn't read here. 

So resolved, how nice of it of the dentist providing me with my first opportunity to be bad.  The receptionist called to tell me the dentist hadn't set up the sedation for tomorrow's teeth extractions.  (Did I tell you that I need dentures, and tomorrow was the big day for them to pull all my teeth?  I didn't?  Can't imagine why I'd blank something like that out.  Or... I did?  Hmm, wonder why I can't remember telling you).  I've been pleasantly blocking out all thoughts of it, except for the couple times my mother was so thoughtful as to offer to bring soft foods by for the recovery period of not having any teeth.  Grrrrr (but thoughtful!  :-)

She wondered if I wanted to reschedule. 

She:  blah blah blah

Me:  Sedation?

She:  Yes, he has to set it up at the hospital. 

Me:  But but but I thought thought thought that we weren't weren't doing sedation.

Me:  (When discussing the options with sedation NOT coming up, his assistant suggested it over my head, and he looked over at her, and shook his head.  I didn't say anything further, because I hate sedation because I have a really hard time coming out of it, fighting like hell evidently, and no one can touch me.   As my sister can tell you.  Evidently. 

She:  So if you want to just do the nitro gas and valium and keep tomorrow's appointment?

Me:  But but but... maybe I want Sedation AFTER ALL !!!  (In an increasingly high pitched tone of voice)

She:  If you want the sedation, we'll have to do it after your trip.  (Reno)

Me:  Hmm.  I should have asked this before, but will I be able to eat by the time I go to Reno?  (and other things?  Heh)  Shhh! 

She:  You'll probably be pretty sore. 

Me:  How soon could we schedule the sedation then?

She:  I'll go ask the dentist.  (off she goes while I sit on hold freaking out)

Me:  (Freaking out)

She:  It'll have to be next Tuesday.

Me:  (Unbeknowest to them, I had already changed the trip to the 25th so that I would be able to perform my rendevous type duties, cause I think ahead when it comes to sex.  I shave my legs and everything) 

Me:  Okay.  Well.  Let's. keep. tomorrow's. appointment. then. 

And that is why I said fuckity fuck and hinted slightly of sexual activities that might hurt a recent body part.... 

That is all.


No wait.  This is just one more reason to be in a fight with SanFranMan.  Cept I don't think this will be such a secret cause I'm gonna make it WELL KNOWN what I am doing for him.  Valium/nitro gas vs. sedation?  AM I FUCKING CRAZY???


Monday, February 26, 2007

Darn, I had to cancel

A letter to my Dentist:

Dear Dr. Dentist,

If you're reading this, it's not boding well for today's appointment.  How can I explain succinctly, without embarrassing myself any more than I already am? 

Altho I look like a grown-up, going to the dentist tends to send me spiraling back down to normally healed childhood sexual abuse issues.  The dentist has been the one and only issue I cannot seem to heal. 

I swear that I am usually a grown-up, capable of speaking coherently and behaving properly.  However, being at the dentist triggers certain memories that I am not fully cognizant of - but my body remembers.  Having my mouth held open (forced?) and unable to close it, and bodies hovering over me... hopefully I don't need to be more graphic in explaining what sex act was forced on me as a 2 year old. 

Because I was so young, it is 'normal' to not fully remember, and have the body take over.  A two-year old is unable to process sexual abuse and pain, both cognitively and verbally.  That is why I cannot seem to talk right now.  I don't know how to explain this without making me seem like a nutball or horribly dysfunctional person.  The easiest way to think of it is that you're dealing with the behavior of  a two year old on the outside, and with the adult on the inside who is aware of what is happening, and is struggling to get the grown-up back in charge of the body.  Sometimes I can, most of the time I can't.  Some think it is the same as having mulitple personalities... I don't know.  It may very well be on the more healed end of it, since I am aware of the 2 year-old.  I guess fully healed would mean that I could control her!

In the past, when I've tried to explain, I've overheard the male dentist talking to the male assistant, feeling sorry for my husband cause "the poor guy doesn't get blow-jobs".  Not only did he assume I'm always like this, but he shamed me and I had to walk (run away) out.  Another dentist, female, scolded me, telling me to "just get over it, so she could get this (pulling a tooth) over with".  What does a 2 year old do when verbally spanked?  Cries harder, so it just made it worse.  It's taken ALOT of work in counseling, and I am healed in every area - except for the dentist chair.  I do much, much better with people who understand and don't treat me like a freak. 

When the triggers take over, I start choking and gagging, and I cannot speak.  I do understand what is going on, and can communicate by nodding or shaking my head.  One time I brought a friend with me to help communicate, but it's so embarrassing - I don't want anyone who knows me to see this. 

Sometimes I can stop choking and gagging, and deal with it.  It is an act of supreme physical and mental effort, and exhausting.  Being given choices is key in healing, and it helps if I know I can stop and take a breath.  If you and your assistant can step back and stop hovering for a minute, so I can "maintain".  The thing that is put inside the mouth to keep it open?... is impossible for me to do.  The happy gas doesn't help.  Being drunk doesn't help.  Being drugged doesn't help. 

Because I woke up in the middle of the nite choking and gagging, despite forgetting that I had an appointment today (until I woke up this morning), I know that it's not looking good.  It used to be so bad that after each appointment, I'd completely block out the experience, make another appointment months/years later, completely forgetting that there was a problem.  I'd go, be FINE, sit in the chair, chat pleasantly with everyone... until I had to lay back and hands were in my mouth.  Flashbacks.

There have been a couple of times when I was "fine", by disassociating completely.  I wasn't 'there' so to speak, which was great for me, but not for the dentist, because I simply didn't respond to questions or decision-making.  I used to be able to disassociate at will, ironically - the more healed - the more I lost that "ability".  I AM able to do what needs to be done.  It just takes understanding. 

So, Dr. Dentist, that is my story.  Oh yes.  I also have Multiple Sclerosis.  Is that a problem?