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Tuesday, January 08, 2008

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TC

Holy Shit!!! I refuse to believe that we have gone through what we have and stewed over it for years and went to therapy (some of us, anyway) and drank ourselves silly (some of us, anyway) just to find out I was supposed to "get over it." Damn.

Gosling

Gah. I get a post all dedicate to me and you get the city I am in wrong. :D I'm not in Chicago, I'm in Pittsburgh. School started yesterday and I am overwhelmed with stuff. And nervous. Etc.

Anyway, I didn't tell you to get over abuse. I just said that it's not AS big a deal as the western world makes it out to be. Sometimes, the ease with which you attribute your problems to what someone else did to you is what I find shocking. I drink, because I was abused. I have relationship problems, because I was abused. (I am not talking about YOU here, just generally.) So this is such a reactionary kind of living. It's like giving control of your emotional life to something that's not in your control and that just gets to me. And it wrecks your WHOLE life?! That's just wrong. I find your healing process too slow.

That's just a personal opinion by the way, nothing to do with my psych degree. Actually, when we were talking about it, I was talking more of the smaller issues that require people to go to therapists and spend hours and days and months with them, spending their money and wasting their time on something that is kind of an everyday issue where I come from. I don't think the way of 'managing' your psychological health and our way is the same, and I don't see people from my part of the world any worse off because of that. In fact, the other way around if you ask me.

And this has turned into a mini-post. I can probably go on and on about this, as it's kind of an issue with me, but I'll restrain myself right here.

TC

Hey, Goz, just so you know, I was talking with tongue-in-cheek on my last post. Since I have absolutely no experience or knowledge about how things work in your part of the world, I can make no comment. I was just laughing at myself because I DID drink and go to counseling for the abuse thing; however, I did eventually get to the point where I didn't see the point of continuing either of those things. I no longer give the abuser the power to make me do crazy things. I don't like him, and I don't trust him; but I don't obsess about him either. I've gotten to the point where the abuse issues are no longer issues (most of the time.) Sometimes, however, memories will pop up out of nowhere and throw me for a loop for a bit. Also, I don't have many body memories but I do know that they can be very compelling in bringing back the past in most unexpected and unsettling ways.

I'm not saying what you are saying is wrong; in fact, I find it interesting and educational. Different cultures are sure .... different! Maybe we do obsess about abuse but I, for one, would sure like to save some children from the patterns and cycles of abuse and maybe the western culture can raise some healthy adults for our future.

I agree with you whole-heartedly when I see some people actually abusing the psycology thing, too. Going to "therapy" for years and years and years over some of the things they go to therapy for just makes me roll my eyes. Good grief, people. One of the reasons I quit going to "Adult Children of Alcoholics" was because so many of those people in the group I went to were not willing to progress. They just wallowed in their misery. And I got tired of listening to the same problems, from the same people, about the same things, week after week after week with them doing absolutely NOTHING to change their situation. Made me nuts.

I quit going to AA for almost the same reason. I got tired of people (and myself) giving a weekly rundown of our lives and patting ourselves on the back for doing what most people do without AA. LIVING! I guess that simplifies the problem a bit much but ...

Anyway, this is an interesting debate and I'm not sure anyone is right or wrong. Just expressing opinions. Especially interesting from someone like you, Goz, that has experience in both cultures. Thanks!

Gosling

Don't worry, TC. My comment wasn't a response to yours. It's just something I feel strongly about and I'm afraid I rather do go on about it at times...sorry.
And I'm not sure I said this before but I quite like being called Goz. :D

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