Vote next door

Prompted by VetMan's comment, I designed the poll you see to the left.  I need as many people as possible to weigh in with their vote, to give the poll validity.  To have only three votes doesn't tell us much ... unless of course, all three votes are the same, I suppose.  There's a money bet going on, depending on the results.

Pertinent facts that may matter to you:

Adult child is over 25

The father of said child was not involved in the child's life, nor did he pay child support during the time of offspring's childhood.

The "bad history" regarding new person is the rumor that killed the marriage of said child over 2 years ago.   

The mother, being smarter than said child thinks she is, opened the door several times for child to admit they were seeing new boy/girlfriend, by straight out asking 3 or 4 times.  The answer was always "No", altho one time child said they were "going to" once the divorce was final.  Even so, the most recent response was "No". 

Child came to visit the mother not too long ago.  New boy/girlfriend was living with them at that point.  Did not mention the news at that time.

The reason why child did not tell the mother was not because there are mother/child issues, such that child felt the mother would go hysterical, ballistic, or any other over-reactive emotion.  It was because "the situation was awkard".  Yet, child was able to tell the father, even tho it was awkward there too.  Course, child had to tell father because child works for father. 

Mother's response when told that new boy/girlfriend was living with them, was surprise and "how come you didn't tell me", referring to, of course, to the fact that she had asked several time before, opening the door for him/her to tell the mother.  There was nothing negative from the mother regarding new person - just surprise, and thinking "wow, this must really be something since he/she held on to it for so long, waiting for the divorce to be final before contacting new person, again, referring to the time child said "he/she were "going to" contact new person after divorce was final, or that the ex husband/wife were to begin a new relationship first.  Which the ex-relationship did about 3 months ago. 

Mother did not find out the real rest of the facts until several days later, told by someone else in the family.  The new boy/girlfriend had moved in 2 months ago, and had met the father's side of the family several times. 

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About to Collect Big Money?
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PS.  This post will self-destruct after a certain amount of time.

Comments

[mdmhvonpa]

I can only hope you 'brushed it off' (even if it is an act) so that future considerations will run a different course.

[Poogie]

just call me confused.

[TC]

Oh shit. Geez. Why is it so damn hard for our offspring to be honest and open with us? Or at the very least, honest? turds.

[Imelda / Greenishlady]

I'd be hurt & angry & worried & confused, and guilty for feeling hurt & angry etc. Not a nice place. Not nice at all.

[sweetfreedom]

I think I would feel hurt. Since I do not know all the dynamics of the relationship between mother and child, based on what I've read, I would even feel a little betrayed.

[MsShad]

Betrayed is a MUCH better word for what I feel. Thank you. For him to put his father ahead of me, who WAS NOT THERE for pretty much 23 -24 years of child's life ... no matter how un-perfect a mother child seems to think I was ... I deserve more respect than I've been getting, ever since child moved to the same city as his father. I am THRILLED they are finally developing a relationship, I really, really am. But it's almost as if child can only handle one parent at a time, and one of them has to be the bad guy, and it seems it's my turn.

[Walls]

I would be a blue fury of hell and betrayal and would want to get so mad it's not true. I would want them to see, VERY clearly, the pain they have caused and the error in their thinking. I would frankly want revenge, the little ungrateful pup. If he feels so cosy towards his Dad let him cosy up to him from now on, see if I care.

But I couldn't. I couldn't show them the level of pain they have caused, because they would be my kid, and I would want them in my life. I'd need to talk, to say the words to them, as calmly as I could, but I would have to leave it there. Because I love them. And eventually I would have to forgive them, the brat.

Sorry he let you down. But you love him, and you need him, and so you have to work to repair this.