At last, a little diddy about MS

Why?  Cause evidently I have MS!  Ain't that a pisser?

Everything I do has a sensation of ... ?  .....delayed reaction. 

Walking the dogs - I had them all on a leash.  When I took them off the leash, I could still feel the leash handles in my hand, even tho the leashes were in my fanny pack.  I felt my hands being tugged by dogs pulling too hard on the leashes. 

Then I did the exact opposite.  When I put them back on the leashes, I didn't pay attention to them because I had the sensation of them still running loose.  This is not a good thing because they get all tangled up if I'm not paying attention. 

When I took the fanny pack off, I can still feel it an hour later.  That one will probably be there all night. 

When I type, it comes out like tttthhhhhhiiisss (this). 

When I sat down on the couch, I looked across the room, because it feels like I'm still walking. 

It's like there's a ghost, mimicking me, and mocking me and it lags behind for just a few seconds.

And innate items have the ghosts too.  When I put the chicken back in the freezer, I kept 'feeling' the bag of chicken being put away several times.  Same with the butter knife. 

You can set your computer mouse to leave 'trails' as it moves.  That's exactly what this feels like. 

Hmmm.  Maybe it's not MS.  Maybe I have a Obsession/Compulsive Disorder. 

No.  That can't be cause it just now happened.  OCD comes on gradually.  I think.  I KNOW I'm MS'y now, because I walked the dogs too long.  When I got home, my legs were noodles.  There's been peeing problems too, and that used to be the signal that a flare-up was coming. 

My thinking is so dyslexic, that I get to the point of being scared to do anything because I'm being so ridiculously stupid.  I managed to maintain for quite awhile when talking to SanFranMan tonight, but it creeped back in gradually, and I had to go.  The words would not connect to my mouth at the end, and even the words were like ghosts... hovering over me me me me... like that.  So much so that I couldn't concentrate on his words, cause mine were hanging in the air, trying to jump into my mouth so I could sound halfway intelligent. 

Sidenote:  SFM just happened to email me a couple of MS sites located in San Francisco.  Doctor's names and where they are, and credentials, etc.,and boy do I need to move.  But that's weird that he sent it today, when I really AM MS'y.  AND he validated the exercise miracle, which was one of the things I was reading about.  (that he sent)  He said that my walking ability was like night and day compared to 3 years ago.  (It's really only 2 years).  It's so comforting to talk to him about MS, cause he has it too.  I don't have to explain things. 

I'm afraid to go into the kitchen.  "Laurie... put down that 'knife.  Haha. 

This is not a fun one, friends and neighbors.  This is damn uncomfortable. 

I just tried to put my Palm in the fanny pack... that isn't there.  And when it wouldn't 'land', I kept trying it over and over!  WHILE I WAS LOOKING AT DOWN AT IT... THE FANNY PACK THAT WASN'T THERE.  My brain just would not make the connection. 

I WAS going to have a drink or 5 or 6, but SFM suggested hot tea instead.  Which also sounded comforting, even tho I hate hot water.  But I don't need to mix alcohol into this mix.  Sure enough, I boiled water in a pan, and set the pan back on the burner.  Can we say fire alarm in the old people's home at midnight?  Fuck. 

I'm going to bed. 

After I go to the MS boards and see if others have this symptom. 

Cause this one is bad, and I can't find the humor in it.  It damn well better be MS and not something else.

. 

Comments

[mdmhvonpa]

Kinda liks an MS hug?

[MsShad]

I'd trade this for the MS hug any day. The feeling of having the backpack, gloves, sandals still on my body when they're not is somewhat like the hug, but without the squeezing sensation.

[TC]

Damn.

[Charles-A. Rovira]

Oh wow.

I just blogged about a structure deep in our brains called the "insula" which seems to have something to do with temporal organization, like ghost sensations and "deja vu". (I found out about the "insula" in the New York Times at: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/06/health/psychology/06brain.html )

I'm putting my podcast together right now.

[MsShad]

Yeaaaa! Validation I'm not going crazy! Thanks for this!