Reeeeal Funnny

I was standing at the sink, washing down a mirror with vinegar, when suddenly I felt something on the TOP of my foot.  How to explain this will be a feat of word wizardry. 

I have no feeling in my feet.  I'm constantly going outside without any shoes on when I take the dogs out.  I can't feel the cold ground, or the pine needles that Muttin tells me are always getting between her toes.  VetMan loved to play games with my body.  Ahem.  I MEAN, he would touch me when I wasn't looking, to see if he could get away with touching me without me noticing.  Urmm.  That doesn't sound quite right.  To clarify... it was as if he didn't BELIEVE me about not being able to feel things at certain points of my body, so he tested me all the time.  He thought it was fun, I didn't.  It's something like suddenly having someone in your face.

For instance, the age-old Hand on the Knee Action.  One of us felt a hand high up on the thigh, and it was startling because there was no prerequisite touch at the knee first.  No warning.  Invasion City.  Now, I don't mind High Thigh Touching, but damn, a girl needs to be warmed up at the knee first. 

If I'm over-heated, the numbness can go as high as my stomach.  One time it went as high as my throat, and THAT is not a pleasant sensation, cause it feels like I would forget to breathe.  Having to concentrate on breathing tends to make one paranoid.  Or maybe that's just me. 

After some High Thigh Touching, naturally I'd be over-heated.  It's moot at that point tho, cause then I can't feel any other touching, so I'm ready for some ice-cream instead.  And maybe a walk-in freezer.  Kinda a mood killer, yes indeed, yup yup yup.

So anyways.  He'd touch my hand or foot to get my attention, and I'd continue to read the New York Times, or Newsweek, or the stock index.  He'd hand me something, and if I wasn't looking, I'd bring my hand back thinking I had it, and it would get dropped between us.  Like... 2 glasses and one fish food container, for instance. 

Like I said, I felt something on the TOP of my foot.  Normally, the top of a foot is free of anything being ON it.  The bottom of the foot can often give clues as to the environment - are there nails present, or wet floors, or shag rugs?  If I was blind, I wouldn't know if I was standing in sand, mud or boiling water.

So to feel something on TOP of one's foot, naturally the immediate assumption would be that it's a tarantula. 

And naturally, when one thinks there's a huge tarantula on one's foot, one would scream bloody murder.  I knew it was huge, because I could also feel something brush against the shin of the same leg of the same foot.  HUGE.  It was furry, I knew that much.  Since I pretty much over-heated instantly at that point, the numbness shot up my body, and for all I knew, there could have been a whole army of tarantulas traipsing on, over, and under my body.  Wouldn't you have screamed? 

I spose it's necessary to mention that it was Muttin, who for some reason, was standing on the top of my foot, and leaning against my leg. 

She did not feel like a 19 pound dog standing on me.  She felt like a large spider and that's all I'm saying about that. 

The seniors who live in my hall don't seem to understand, but think it's really funny how Muttin seems to be rolling on the floor, laughing hysterically. 

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Comments

[TC]

(ssshhhhh, she's losing it!) Bad Muttin, Bad bad Muttin. Holy shit.

[Gosling]

Ah. I kind of enjoyed the High Thigh Touching Detour along the way. :D