Witch spelled with a B

I haven't walked on a daily basis since I got back from San Francisco, lo, those many (7) weeks ago.  Nor gone to Curves.  I'm mad at Curves but being mad is spiting the nose on my face.  That would be spite-ing, not spitting.  Generally, I try not to spit on my nose. 

But I've lost another 10 pounds since then, so there's that.  However, Muttin is gaining her customary winter weight.  And she is constantly nagging at me to go walking.  C O N S T A N T L Y. 

So this morning, I woke up with the former fire I used to have - the challenge of counting steps and how many miles could I clock in.  I donned pants, shirt, shoes, camera, sun glasses, pedometer and Ipod.  Collared the dogs, which sent them into a frenzy.  WALKWALKWALK they said.  And turned into whirling dervishes, which sent me into a frenzy of frustration, trying to hook the leashes to their collars.  Bad mood begins. 

I grabbed the walking stick that ReikiMan made for me 2 years ago, back when I was a weeble wobbling all the time.  I've been taking it with me so I can protect ourselves from attacking dogs.  And should that happen, then I'm going to use it to attack the attacking dog's owner, I SWEAR.  Because dogs wouldn't be attacking us if they were controlled by their owners.  I snarled at the mere thought of it.  Mood doesn't brighten. 

After much thought, I decided to leave by the front of the building, rather than thru the courtyard like we usually do.  The dogs don't like it when the grass is wet and cold.  Which it is, cause it's 39 freaking degrees out.  I checked San Francisco's temperature... 63 degrees.  Mood darkens. 

Off we go, and the dogs are pissing me off, but I don't have the right to be pissed off because it's my own fault they're so energetic - they haven't been walking in so long, and that's why they're pulling on the leash.  Try putting Ipod ear buds into your ears, when the dogs are yanking your arm out of it's socket cause they want to go, go, go.  So it's pissing me off that I can't be pissed off righteously, and have to remind them over and over please not PULL ON THE DAMN LEASH. 

Okay, can we talk about the Ipod for just a minute?  First of all, the little foam piece that fits over the ear bud is not permanently attached.  Which means they got lost somewhere as I pulled said ear buds out of my pocket.  Try looking for little gray foam pieces the size of pennies on gray pavement.  Couldn't find them.  Turns out they're fairly important for keeping the ear buds in your ears.  Slippery things.  Irritating things.  That kept slipping out of my ears every 4 seconds.When one hand has the leash in it and the other has the walking stick at the ready.  Mood crashes past the point off no return.  I start looking for a dog to attack just on principal.  Get them before they get us is my new motto.  I let the dogs off the leash as we walk around the new jail - lots of space and no traffic.  They're in happy heaven and love me so much.  They love me so much that Jeffrey (Jeffrey!) decides to disappear, scouting for garbage lef t behind by construction guys who eat their lunch and toss scraps to the ground.  Stupid men.  I decide to hate all men. 

Who's *(^%$&^*%# brilliant idea was it to put Amazing Grace in the Ipod that's meant to be a fast stepping, high energy way to keep me walking at a fast pace?  With about 20 different artists/versions of it?  And the bagpipe version?  Torture.  Twice.  Somehow I got it on there twice.   Ahhhhhh.... Maaaaaa...... zzzzzzing..... grace...... howwwwwww....sweet ......thhhhhe.... sounddddd.   Ummmm, scuse me while I take a take here on the picnic table at Wendy's.  And then there's Dr. Phil's Weight Loss Solution.... just stupid.  I don't want to be dr. philled while I'm walking - it's a bit over-kill, don't you think?  So shut it, Dr. Phil, I'm bitchy today.  He'll be deleted as soon as I get home.  Just as well, since I now hate all men.  Hell, I'm not even going to watch his show anymore.  Ellen is on at the same time, I'm crossing over.   Snort!  Crossing over....  

Make a note:  Buy a better earpiece system.  Preferably one that stays in the ears. 

Yes, of course I could have switched out of the Amazing Grace series, and found Toby Keith instead.  IF I could have SEEN the damn settings on the Ipod, and known what did what.  I didn't have my glasses on - just sunglasses.  As it was, I was stuck in Amazing Grace Hell.  What irony.  And then?  Johnny Cash came on, singing the song, and it made me stop to take deep breaths, caught in the gut cause of Jorge.  As always, such a sense of loss - him, SFM, and ugly family dysfunctions.  Always I remember something new that I really didn't need to remember.  The frown feels permanent on my face now. 

I was about ready to beat Jeffrey with my walking stick, what with his lagging behind ways.  Twice I had to back track around the jail, cause he wasn't keeping up with me and Muttin.  I yelled "Get your little black butt back here", and didn't even care if the neighbors heard me being racist. 

Gasp!  Did someone change my brain while I was sleeping last night???  Beat my own dog?  Precious Jeffrey?  What the hell was wrong with me?  I decided it was time to go home and hide myself before things got out of hand.  Despite the sunny day, my brain was full of black clouds and thunder.  Plus the pills aren't working. 

Hmmm. 

Seems I'm Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System. 

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Comments

[TC]

Jeez. And you wonder what to write about. Just go back and use most of your blogs about the dogs. Much more the 50,000 words and every bit of it histerically funny!!!!