I'm home now. After 2 1/2 months of living at Jorge's, I'm in my own space once again. I had a hell of a time leaving his house, feeling some strange sense of abandoning him. Silly. The memorial is this Saturday. I'm not wanting to go. So many reasons. Physically, I'm exhausted, and don't want to appear MS'y around his family. The sibling that did the initial accusing us of starving Jorge might be there. He had said he couldn't be there. I don't care to be in the middle again, between the Hatfield's and the McCoy's. I'm afraid the revival of their pain, along with the completely empty house of Jorge, ALL of his possessions gone, the drinking of most of the males... I just don't want to be there.

He is having a hard time these days, grieving for his father. He and his siblings have been talking, memories. They have wonderful memories of their dad calling them up, "Let's go camping, son, grab your gear, I'll be there in an hour". Stories of hunting, him cooking meals for them. When Jorge had to work late, he'd always leave something cooking on the stove. While living with their mother, there was never enough food, so the memory of Jorge cooking and providing nourishment for them is precious. Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself there are good reasons not to go? But I am BFriend's best friend. I'm still close to RamTouch, he's staying with me, and will no doubt be in my bed. I "should" go for them. But I'm so tired of doing for them, frankly.

If I keep it about Jorge, whom I grew to care about, who taught me much, I wouldn't go. And it'd be okay with him if I didn't go.