Since I've been staying here with Jorge, my sleeping pattern is getting messed up. The first week I was here, I deliberately set the alarm for 3am so that I could check to see if he was still breathing. The possibility of him not breathing was highly possible, but since then, not so much.

Even so, I've been waking up between 3 and 4am without the alarm. Grrrrr I have a baby monitor set up so I can hear if he's breathing, and normally he's snoring away, so I don't even get up. On the couple times I've not heard him, I got up to check, and he's fine. Just having a quiet breating moment.

That first week he was taking 4 breaths to my one. The nurse later told us that his blood pressure was extremely low, the bottom number being 48. That the further apart the numbers are, the more eniment death is. That if it went below 48, they could pretty much predict death within days. The nurses and CNA's came to see us in the early mornings. Later, I noticed they weren't coming till late afternoon. One day, I needed to know when the nurse would be here, since I had a doctor's appointment and I didn't want to miss her. They told me they don't really have a schedule - that they visit the clients who are closest to death first. So as far as Hospice is concerned, Jorge is a late afternoon visit cause he's doing really well.

So it wasn't all in my imagination how bad off he was. I sometimes feel bad about the family. As soon as they heard the word "hospice", there was a flurry of phone calls and visits.

So here I am, Jorge is better, but I'm waking up at 6:30am to get him his coffee, and I wake up in the middle of the nite to make sure he's still breathing. Without an alarm clock. I, who used to sleep like a rock, never waking up in the nite.

I hope I go back to normal when this is all done. Not sleeping good is such a "disabled" thing, or a "senior" thing.

Since getting MS, I've always been proud of how my sleeping is JUST FINE, thank you very much.