I'm scared tonite. Evidently Jorge had a stroke either last nite, or sometime today. Since I didn't know the signs, I didn't know, but it became clear that something was wrong late this afternoon. He was suddenly extremely weak when getting up to go to the bathroom, and needed help. He was confused about some lost toast this morning, (when I hadn't served him toast) and said a couple of confusing things thruout the day. But during a haircut and a nurse visit, he was perfectly sane. Later, he said that the t-shirt he had on was from WW2, and he hadn't taken it off since the war. 

He's been really agitated all evening, talking to himself/somebody else and when I talk to him, he garbles out complete nonsense. He got up himself to go to the bathroom, but seemed to forget what the toilet is for, and worried about some imagined malfunction on his walker instead. He has gained weight, cause he's harder to lift than he was a month ago. It took about 20 minutes to get him back into bed, between trying to figure out what he wanted and physically maneuvering him.  He almost missed the toilet when he sat down and I had to lift him up, and slide him back over in the right direction.  He's so much more heavier than he was when I first got here. 

I gave him his first Ativan. Spose to help with anxiety.

But I'm scared.

Not of him dying but of me not being able to get him changed, cleaned up, lifted, comfortable. Me not being physically strong enough.