Just a heads up - Google in "Moody Monthlies". Heh
So. Being fifty and all, (shut up Linda), and the fact that my period hasn't showed up for months, I was semi-bragging to the old people at the card table that evidently I had the Easiest Menopause of the World, since I had no symptoms. I experienced 2 hot flashes YEARS ago, before MS even, and that was all. And as we all know, I've had plenty of periods since then, and we all know because why? I refer you to the first sentence of this post.
Where is this post going? Guess.
Well, yesterday, I had to Saddle Up for Old Rusty. A part of me was gleeful, cause surely that meant I wasn't old after all, and I would get to post another entry to my Google-famous oracles. The other part of me was disgusted because after all, who LIKES to bleed from the lady-bits? Also, when the old ladies asked me if I was "still doing it", I said nope. At first, I misunderstood and thought they were asking me if I were still "doing it" as in still sexing it up with boys, and I blushed horrifically, and stuttered "uh uh uh, well what do you think the trips to Reno are all about? Gambling?" With that the old ladies cracked up laughing and I thought hmmm, old people CAN have a sense of humor about sex, maybe this being old thing won't be so bad after all. Wait. Maybe they have a sense of humor about gambling? Damn, old people DO like to gamble, this I know, because I used to schedule the trips to Jackpot when I was working for the senior citizen center. Maybe it wasn't about sex after all.
So anyways. In doing my extensive, time-consuming research for the Moody Monthlies, I realized I have 7 more letters of the alphabet to go. Considering the sporadic-ness of said T-minus and Holding, and that I might be waiting for the Tomato Boat to Come In before the next time I can Take Carrie To The Prom, I figured I better wrap this up, put myself Up On Blocks and consider the Moody Monthlies as have running it's course. HEY! Did I just invent my own euphemism - "Running Its Course"? Awesome.
But by doing so, does that mean accepting the fact that I'm 50, and must commence lamenting the fact of my Weeping Womb? Or will being 50 become the Wound That Never Heals? Will I get another Visit From Cap'n Bloodsnatch, and continue celebrating my womanhood and Visitations for the Squeaky Mattress Symphony from SanFranMan?
We shall see.
Altho it would be nice to finish the alphabet as promised, it is with some relief that there are no euphemisms for X, Y and Z.
Just Call Me Woman Hear Me Roar