We had our "memories talk", my mother, sister and I. It's fascinating how each of us remembers or doesn't remember certain things. Mostly I'm confused, cause it's so disturbing to me to not know my own time line while the other two were spouting out "This happened in 1973, and that happened in 1960, etc." I end up feeling like an outsider in my own life, like I wasn't even there most of the time.
What it boils down to is low self-esteem. When you have low self-esteem, stemming from childhood, you grow up taking everything in the most negative way, because you think you deserve it. And you take everything personally. So many hurt feelings and misunderstandings evolve. It was a good talk. Whether it accomplished what I needed it to remains to be seen. Possibly at 2am in the morning. Certain incidents with SanFranMan, the experience with PPGuy and Father's Day coming up has got me stirred up and I'm tired of it. I trust my gut and I trust my training and I trust my knowledge to know that there is something left for me to do in regards to my father. There was a time when I couldn't even say "my father".
So bring it on 2am in the morning!
This is the way I feel -
I know what the big picture is, but something is staring me in the face, and I can't see it clearly.
Just Call Me Evolving (at the freaking age of 50 for hells sake)