It's Jacob's Birthday and he would have been 24 ...

Today is Jacob's birthday, and I thought maybe I should say so in a separate post and be all dignified and respectful about it.  But there really isn't anything I'd rather be doing to "celebrate" it - a beautiful day outside, and a NASCAR race.  Perfection.  The steroids are knocking the pain back down to something I can live with, so there's that also to be happy about. 

NASCAR got rained out last nite, so the race is today after all.  In Richmond, Virginia - here's the link.  I just love to read about the track before each race.  It makes me sound really intelligent when I'm discussing my favorite sport with anyone.  Unfortunately, I've yet to find anyone who shares my interest.  Dumb, boring peoples. 

Goodness.  I just did the math (cause I don't remember from year to year), Jacob would be 24 this year had he lived ...

ba da ba dum.

So, Internet, let's sit back a bit and talk.  Today is a good day not to be alone and to talk.  Here, you take the

   

and I'll take the couch.   

Could you turn on the

lamps while I fix us a snack?  Be right back. 

How do you like my new furniture?  Pull up a

 

and grab your beverage of choice   

.

But don't touch my special mug or I'll have to kick your ass. 

I've got some

 

slow-cooking in the crock-pot

for dinner later on.  I've already

 

set the table cause I just love to show off my salt and pepper shakers.  Too adorable.

Have to admit that the cookie jar kind of creeps me out tho.  Something about the mustache ...

Have I mentioned that 24 is my favorite number and Jacob would have been 24 this year, and it's time for Jeff Gordon to win another championship?  Oh, would you like some

?

I suppose I should have offered some pop rather than coffee - coffee is kind of stupid with popcorn and pretzels, huh.

There's beer as well as 7-Up and of course, Pepsi.  I'm sure you know Gordon's Busch sponsor is Pepsi, right?  Well of COURSE you know - you're the Internet and the Internet knows everything, silly me. 

 

You asked me how I felt about

his new wife, Ingrid.  Ingrid, Bngrid, Schmgrid - what a stupid name, don't you think?

There is no consolation knowing he cheated on his first 

  his first wife, Brooke, I had a really hard time accepting he was a jerk, but I got over it.  I figure his crappy season year before last was good enough payback. 

I had to swallow my pride when Little Miss Ingreed oops, I mean Ingrid came up

.

I decided that the best thing to do would be to make the baby a

for Christmas.  It's nice to think something of mine will be in their household, and I'm sure it'll be appreciated.  I mean, homemade and all...

I'm positive I'll be invited to the baby shower, and this is what I bought just yesterday

and I'm thinking about this too,

but I dunno - do you think that might be a bit much? 

I mean, after all, after I get down with

the quilt, I'll have spent quite a bunch of time and money into something that privately causes me alot of grief - despite the brave face I put on.   

I have a littel secret tho, that keeps me warm at nite.  I'm sure he had to

think long and hard about sending

this little trinket to me, but the desire to do so overwhelmed his common sense - I tend to have that effect on men ... I think he's gonna name the baby after me. 

For the most part tho, I try not to

 

hear any of his happy, gaga new life and stick to the racing facts.  He's gonna break all the records before his career is done, you know. 

Anyways, it's

time for you to go, dear Internet, I hope you don't mind, but it's going to take forever to blog this, and I must get to it before I get out of my

clothes, feed the

I spose the dogs are going to want to sleep in their

 

sleeping bags or they'll pitch a big doggy fit.  Hey, take a look at the litte

I bought for them to use as a doggie bed.  Once Duke came along, we needed something bigger and this fit the bill.  Isn't it the coolest thing? 

Your

are on the

in the

 

I'll get them for you. 

Or wait, Internet!  Maybe you'd like to stay the nite in the guest bedroom?

Let me turn on a

light for you, it's hard to see the beauty that is #24 in here without a light, and I KNOW how much you love Jeff Gordon, Internet, cause when I Googled 'Jeff Gordon', you had 13,900,000 hits on his name alone.  I didn't even try googling the #24 or Dupont sponsorships, or NASCAR champions, etc, etc, etc. 

You're more than welcome to take a

 

as long as I don't have to pick up your

or wet

 

towels in the morning! 

I'll probably take one myself to wash off all the

sunscreen, since I ended up not taking the dogs on a long

walk today.  Duke's gonna be a total pain in the ass about it too.  He'll drive me nuts wanting to play with the tennis ball.  No matter how many times I tell him to go lay down on the

rug, he'll bring me the fish or the tennis ball, and look at me with those big brown eyes - I can't stand it!  He's such a snob most of the time, when he looks at me like that and wags just the tip of his tail ... I'm a goner.  Maybe if I 

feed him a little bit extra, his belly will be too full to nag me, ya think?  Internet, maybe you could take him outside later on and throw the

Frisbee for him for about 7 hours?  That ought to tire him out good enough. 

You brought me a gift, Internet?  How sweeeet of you!

Unbelievable - I didn't know there was a Jeff Gordon Barbie Doll!!! You mean I could have started adoring him from afar when I was a wee child?  Hmmm ... I wonder why my mother never bought me one ...

Well, it's time for me to brush

The Teeth, and change into my

pajamas.  How about when you're done with Duke, we cuddle up on the

couch with a couple of

blankets, and some

 

pillows?  I'll even let you have the

remote control, because I'm sweet that way.  But you have to take Duke first, otherwise he won't leave us alone, and I want to watch 'Desperate Housewives' without his eyes looking at me.

Oh, and Internet, if you do end up staying overnite?  I'll need you to take off your

off... and while I'm waiting for you ... I'll

  light a

and turn off the

 

Do hurry, dear Internet.  I don't spend enough time with you during the day - the night should be ... interesting.  Cause you know I only read the articles. 

*

Happy Birthday, my little baby.  It takes my breath away to think of having a 24 year old son.  I've not been conscious of the fact that your birthday was coming up.  But for the last month, I've been reading blogs by mothers who have handicapped children, and just now I realize why - it's all about Jacob.  I'm almost 50 years old, well past my child-raising days, even tho I would love to have a baby again, or live with children and start all over.  So it's been curious to me why I read all these parenting blogs - aren't I past all that?  Evidently not.  I've been reading Charming Bitch, who recently lost baby Jackson.  Her anger is familiar to me, and plowing thru life no matter what - is what I did, too.  Dream Mom has a teenage son who is in a wheelchair.  Then there's Holland and Eden, who were born premature, and have different degrees of Cerebral Palsy, and are now about 2 years old.  Then there's David of Growing Up With a Disability, who is in his early 20's with Cerebral Palsy. 

Obviously, I'm trying to work out something.  Still.  Still?  Good grief.  Since I don't have him, I have no idea what life would have been life with him - so I read vicariously, the blogs of mothers with handicapped kids, or of young teens and young adults who are disabled.  And wonder if I'm lucky or unlucky, and then feel guilty or cheated - both equally.

*

Just Call Me a Mom

. 

Comments

[TC]

This was absolutely insane!! (The pictures, I mean). 24 is an amazing number, isn't it? Happy Birthday, Jacob!

[Friday]

I certainly understand. Had my child lived he would be 37 now. I know the longing -- the what ifs and whys. Sometimes I think I'm okay with not having children and at other times I can feel a tugging where my uterus used to be. I'm not sure it ever goes away.

I think of you daily. Are you still taking Lyrica? I had to stop -- I just couldn't stay awake -- it made driving a challenge. lol

*hugs*

[CharmingDriver]

Thinking of you and Jacob.

[MsShad]

Friday - Lyrica is the pain med that turned my life around and let me do things, so YES, I'm still taking it. I'm worried tho, cause I have only one more "up-age" to go before I reach the maximum dose.

And I can just guess which time of day you think of me daily. Let me know when you get low on the shots, I've still got about 4 handfulls left - that wouldn't fit in the box before.

TC - 24 is the most!