I recently apologized to someone I don't like much, but I really was sorry for the situation we both found ourselves in thru no fault of either of us, really. But I apologized because I felt bad, and then afterwards, I felt better.
I recently was accused of believing I am never wrong and don't know how to apologize. As luck would have it, these two episodes happened on the same day. So I recounted the story of my apology to show that yes sir, I do too know how to apologize thankyouverymuch. Then I was asked if I did it because I was truly sorry, or to be a better person.
???
My response was "both". The response back was "exactly". As if I had just lost a point, and he had gained one.
???
What am I not getting? Besides the fact that the person of recently said conversation and I have a difficult time communicating in general.
Upon further reflection, I think the statement may have been did I apologize because I was truly sorry, or to" be the better person", as opposed to "be a better person".
Awful how one little word can change the whole meaning of an argument.
To apologize, in order to be the better person, implies one-up-manship. That I was trying to be better than the other person. It's not true - I truly did feel bad and felt in the wrong, and that I should have handled the situation differently. After apologizing... I felt better. Not as in feeling like I was the better person, but as is feeling less guilty.
Is that so wrong?
Blahg This: Can you remember a particularly hard apology that needed to be made, and did you do it, or not do it. Details!
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Jacob Poems
When I was about 18, I was in a photography place waiting for a friend that worked there when I noticed a picture of a baby that was very deformed in the head. Not noticing anything but the picture, I said something along the lines of it being a pretty ugly baby. I was then made very aware that the baby's mother was standing right there paying for the picture. I felt about 2 inches, no, less than 2 micromillimeters high, and tried to apologize. Obviously, one cannot "take back" something like that. She left the place in tears and didn't buy the picture. The friend I was waiting for informed me very coldly that the baby was very lucky to be alive as it had a horrible time at birth and the mom was very lucky to be alive, too. She told me that it was the only baby the woman could have. My friend then told me to leave and I not only lost a friend but I lost my self-respect. There was no way in hell I could ever make up for that but I did learn a hefty lesson. From then on, I have tried extremely hard to never, ever open my mouth without hearing the consequences ahead of time. I can't say I've always succeeded, but I've never done something that hurtful and awful again. I hope.
Posted by: TC | Tuesday, January 02, 2007 at 09:42 AM
Shad, you did the right thing for the right reason.
Posted by: TC | Tuesday, January 02, 2007 at 09:43 AM
ohmygosh. That is HORRIBLE. And I bet you get that hot flushed feeling everytime you think of it.
Posted by: MsShad | Tuesday, January 02, 2007 at 11:22 AM
Ummm. Yup. I still feel horrible and guilty and awful when I think about it. So much damage with such thoughtless words. And to try to find that woman (which I could have) and try to apologize again would have made it SOOO much worse for her.
Posted by: TC | Tuesday, January 02, 2007 at 12:05 PM